"Santa Fuel:" It has been a bit of a problem...
🎄☕️ "Santa Fuel" is real and, er, it's been a bit of a problem in the past...Yeah.
In a shocking revelation from the North Pole’s Department of Mythical Health & Wellness, it turns out Santa Claus is—how do we put this gently?—a massive coffee addict.
Not hobby-level.
Not “I can quit whenever I want” level.
We’re talking industrial-strength, medically concerning, espresso-by-the-bucket levels of dependence.
According to recently declassified Naughty-or-Nice logs, Santa’s love affair with what he affectionately calls “Santa Fuel” began in the mid-twentieth century during something experts now refer to as The Caffeinated Era.
Back then, the big man started each morning with a quad shot espresso + concentrated peppermint and horseradish, a drink so powerful that OSHA later ruled it “inappropriate for any living creature, magical or otherwise.”
The side effects?
Not great.
By 1957, Santa was allegedly storming around the toy workshop, slamming empty mugs on tables, shouting:
“ELVES! YOU INDOLENT LACKWITS!!! I SAID FRESH POTS!!! FRESH!!! POTS!!!”
Morale plummeted.
Tinsel productivity nose-dived.
Rudolph refused to fly unless Santa agreed to switch to half-caf and enter a certain, well-known "coffee-holics" retreat and zen meditation seminar in Santa Monica. (He loved it there, btw, and changed his name to "Santa-sattva")
Eventually, Mrs. Claus staged an intervention involving a mug of chamomile tea, three of the sturdier reindeer, and a firm reminder that “you are not technically immortal.” Sources say Santa begrudgingly cut back—but never actually stopped.
And that’s why, to this day, he remains the world’s most influential coffee influencer, ordering limited editions months before anyone else.
Which brings us to this year’s urgent communiqué from the North Pole:
“Send samples ASAP. Reindeer can’t run on vibes alone.”
So, naturally, we complied.
Introducing the four official 2025 Santa Fuel–Approved Holiday Drinks, starting tomorrow 12/1, at Amélie:
🎄 Sugar Cookie Latte – Warm, sweet, and nostalgic enough to make Santa weep gently into his beard.
🎅 Peppermint Mocha Latte – The exact flavor profile that fueled Santa’s mid-century reign of caffeinated terror. Now safer! (We think.)
🥚 Spiced Eggnog Latte – Rich, cozy, and scientifically calibrated to help overworked elves power through peak season (Starts 12/3)
🍪 Gingerbread Shaken Espresso Latte – Because nothing says “holiday cheer” like espresso that’s been aggressively shaken, much like Santa’s hands after his third cup.
Stop by Amélie to taste the lineup before Santa drinks us out of stock again.
And if you hear someone in the café shouting “FRESH POTS!”, don’t worry.
It’s probably just him.
Ho ho… help.
App download: https://amelie.coffee/app
Online ordering: https://amelie.order.tryperdiem.com/
